MY Super Sweet 16

If only MTV was airing My Super Sweet 16 in the spring of 1996, audiences everywhere could have been treated to the tale of my sixteenth birthday.

Mom made a cake. It had strawberry and kiwi in it. She makes this cake for every birthday of mine, even when I am not home for it. I am not going to lie to you. This cake is delicious.

That was more or less it for the birthday celebrations, though I’m sure I got a sweater or something like that. The real treat was that I was working on my English Honors Project at the time, and doing very poorly. This lead to a general malaise which would result in me getting an incomplete (temporary F) in my Journalism class, which I would later bump up to a C. My parents were overjoyed when that letter came home (it was ambiguous as to whether the F was permanent or not). Mom almost put me in military school. Those were happy times. The thing I can’t remember is whether more of my fantasies back then were devoted to blowing up the whole school, or just offing myself. You can’t buy memories like that.

Oh, and since I was turning 16, I got to go get my license. Then I got a car, but that didn’t happen until nine years later, and I had to buy it myself. I’m sure MTV can use time-lapse footage to compress those nine years into a half-hour show.


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