feliz crumpled anus

Yesterday was my birthday.

Mom kicked it off on the right foot with a phone call on my way to work, asking me if I was coming home for dinner that night. She knows I wasn’t. She knew that last week. She knows I’ll be lucky if I get to come home Saturday for a combo birthday dinner/Easter vigil mass (now that’s a party). This didn’t stop her for guilting me about being so busy at work. Fun to hear, from the same person who used to respond “no there isn’t” when I’d say there were things that are more important than money, back in the late high school early college days when I was sort of adrift, career-path-wise.

I have issues with my parents.

Eventually I will regale you all with tales of my parents that will amuse you very much. Probably first up will be tales of my dad’s spreadsheets. But that’s for another day.

At some point yesterday I realized that I didn’t have a single NCAA tournament bracket filled out this year since I’d been far too busy. But I’d already registered my team name in one group and I figured I wouldn’t let it go to waste.

sdn.jpg

Perhaps you are asking yourself “What are shitting dick nipples?” Encyclopedia Dramatica has the answer. (Could not be less SFW)

If you clicked that link, I hope your reaction was, “well, i don’t know what else I was expecting.”

Back to my birthday. I have an aunt who lives in England and who is really my only evidence that I may not be adopted, as she is a liberal who seems to have a sense of humor and is a photographer. And now, apparently, she thinks I’m gay. Here is a partially redacted portion of an email from her:

I also received an emial from G—, the daughter of [family friends]. She was wandering whether you and their son P— could not get to know each other. P—- is a very handsome, pleasant and smart 19 years old young man. He spent a year (2006/2007) in Vancouver, Washington State, living with a family and going to school. He plays violoncello and e-bas (not sure what that is) and is now in a band (guitar/ e-bas/singer). G— wrote that they played Eric Clapton very well. I attach a couple of photos from 2005 from [family friends]’s Golden Wedding celebrations. Here is G—-‘s address, should you wish to make the first step: [wtf@orly.com]

It’s not unreasonable for my family to think I’m gay. As far as they’re concerned I’ve only dated three girls in my life. This is because introducing my girlfriends to my mother is the beginning of the end for the relationship, so I just keep my mouth shut about the existence of any ladies in my life.So I guess I have to email some guy I don’t know, to talk about god knows what. Maybe I’ll send him this, which has been stuck in my head for a week:

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