blog clearinghouse

i have 16 draft posts that i haven’t completed. some of them eventually may turn into something, but most of them are dead ends. they are presented herein, with minimal editing and no transitions. on a dvd, this would be called bonus material. here it’s just shit.

[post #1 – untitled]

A girl I talked to Friday night told me I’m a hater. I started to disagree with her but given that on Thursday I changed my facebook status to “Pete is a hater” I felt mildly insincere in my argument.

Let’s embrace it. Here’s some things that I’m hating on currently.

Bob Howry – [ed.: at this point i passed out while searching for pictures evidencing my claim that Howry looks like the guy who played Frank Nitti in the Untouchables]

[post #2 – untitled]

I am sort of obsessed with the “List of Demands” song (“I got a list of demands, written on the palms of my hands.”) which is in this Nike ad now. It’s not so much that I like the song — I guess it’s fine — it’s just that I am generally anti-Nike (for no good reason) and I’ve really gotten into the “i got a list of X, written on the [subpart] of my [thing that rhymes with X]” meme. Today while dealing with privilege logs at work, for example, it was “I got a list of privileged docs, written on the toes of my socks.” This is the sort of thing I do to provide me some fleeting amusement as I pass the grimly hollow moments of my life until the pallid green hand of Death pulls me into the abyss. (I was this close to titling this post “I got a list of complaints, written on the base of my taint,” but in light of the Gravitas Initiative I held back.)

  • “If it is not broke, don’t fix it” is a phrase that somebody needs to pass along to the sloped-foreheads at Coca-Cola. The Coke people have recently implemented a new cap on their 20 oz products. It is smaller and not as ridged as the old one. My clumsy fingers slip and slide all over the damn thing.

[post #3 – jobs i think i might be good at]

10.
9.
8.
2. antipope
1.

[post #4 – untitled]

gold card.

And just to balance the vibe a little, here’s something I don’t hate: an Aronson Furniture commercial from the 80s. Here is what you need to know about Aronson Furniture:
1. It is was the home of the credit connection.
2. It hasd the catchiest jingle this side of Rockenbach Chevrolet, which will probably be featured soon on this blog.
Aronson went tits-up a couple of years ago – perhaps Aronson’s subprime furniture loan crisis triggered our current economic woes? We may never know.

I think I heard the Aronson jingle for the first time in the late 80s, on my way back from a Cub Scout meeting with my dad. It was probably on WBBM Newsradio 78, during a Blackhawks broadcast (not really news radio, are you, you lying scum). It has been stuck in my head for about 20 years.

[post #5 – untitled cubs post]

Every year there are a number of Storylines when it comes to the Cubs. Here are this year’s Storylines:

1. The first storyline isn’t specific to this year. Every year the #1 storyline is that the Cubs have not won a World Series in X-1908, where X is the current year on the Gregorian calendar. This storyline is particularly poignant this year, when performing the X-1908 calculation yields the number of fingers that non-mutant, non-table-saw-abusing humans have, multiplied by the number of toes such humans have. (This does not apply in Ethiopia, where it is only 2000, and accordingly I am telling my parents that I am not going to be a pre-med anymore. Political science? What is this political science? I would be more proud of you if you was prostitute than if you were in politics*).

2. Another important storyline is the arrival of Kosuke Fukudome. The most fun part of this storyline will be attending a game in mid-August with a girl who figures out that Fukudome looks kind of like “Fuck you dome” or, if she is gunning for the Nobel prize in literature, “Fuck you, do me” and thus catching up with what every man in Chicago figured out last December.

* verbatim quote. Mom actually busted out the English for this one.

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3 Responses to “blog clearinghouse”

  1. Zetetic Says:

    Not being from Chicago or a huge follower of MLB, I completely amused myself awhile back (last week) at the gym while watching a Cubs game (I had forgotten my iPOD) with Fukudome’s name. I enjoyed it so much so(yes, I came up with both name plays) that I hardly noticed that the Cubs nearly blew a 4 run lead in the bottom of the 8th and were forced to rely on Woods for the save. I suppose you would be correct on two counts: Yes, I’m female. And, yes, my male friends found it incredible that I had only just discovered this.

    Also, is the anitpope the same as Satan, or, if you already believe as I do that the Pope IS the Devil in human form, the equivalent of God?

  2. Big Time Fancy Says:

    This post is a masterpiece.

  3. top 10 chicago ads « the situation has deteriorated Says:

    […] Aronson Aronson was previously discussed, along with a YouTube clip, in this post. Aronson furniture is out of business, but the jingle remains in my head […]

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