Archive for the ‘bear down chicago bears’ Category

earful of craptonite

May 21, 2008

I was listening to the Cubs/Astros game on the radio yesterday and I heard Pat Hughes say that the next guy up was Matt Suhey. I’m like, that’s crazy, Matt Suhey was the fullback for the greatest sports team of all time, the 1985-86 Chicago Bears.

It wasn’t until I was watching today’s game that I realized they were talking about Kaz Matsui. And it’s not like I don’t know that Kaz Matsui exists. I specifically remember an exchange from Monday’s game about how Matsui and Fukudome went to high school together.

This is not the first time I’ve heard something stupid like that. When I was much much younger, I would listen to sports reports on the radio and I would notice that Yukon was a very good basketball program. I don’t know how long it took me to realize that they were talking about Connecticut, aka UConn. And again, I knew that UConn was a basketball powerhouse, but there I was, thinking that a bunch of eskimos in the outlands of Canada were this unlikely college-hoops dynamo. I just couldn’t make the connection between the UConn I knew on paper and what I heard.

I’m going to posit that this is all because English is not my first language. More likely, I’m just a tard.

Am I alone here? Please tell me this happens to other people.


Top 10 Ways To Kill Self At Work Due To Bear’s Loss

February 5, 2007

10. OD on store-brand ibuprofen which I keep in office for headaches and hangovers.
9. Slit wrists with letter opener.
8. Scotch tape mouth, nostrils shut.
7. Throw printer through 61st story window, follow printer.
6. Two words: stapler, jugular.
5. Hang self with incredibly long phone cord.
4. Pour styrofoam cup of water onto carpet, jab letter opener into electric socket.
3. Poison self with ink from the pens that always start leaking when you take them on an airplane.
2. Jump in front of mail cart as it comes around.
1. Use assault rifle I keep in filing cabinet under R (for “rifle”).


February 5, 2007

There have been a lot of bad days for Bear fans in the last 20+ years – but I think today is the worst.


February 3, 2007