Archive for the ‘there’s no frozen sausage pizza on the eastern seaboard’ Category

What do you want on your Tombstone?

December 7, 2005

I glanced at my Harris Teeter receipt today. Apparently I am a member of the “Frozen Pizza Club.” I have accumulated 40.73 points in said club. When I hit 50, I will receive $5 off my next purchase, and, one hopes, a letter of commendation from the Red Baron.

I am a little depressed by all this, if ever there was a male counterpart to an apartment full of cats as the symbol of perpetual singlehood, the “Frozen Pizza Club” is assuredly it. I will try to look at the bright side of things, however…perhaps if I gain enough clout within the Frozen Pizza organization, maybe I can manage to get the HT to carry just ONE brand of frozen sausage pizza.


the burger king post

October 21, 2005

I’ve talked about Burger King’s onion ring issue before [ed: this was on my old blog – complaining about getting an onion ring in with my fries] but I almost blew an O-ring of my own today. Got my usual #1 medium cheese no pickle with a Coke, I come home, look at the back of the fry box, and I see this:

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Real nice hustle, assholes. Our problem is so widespead that corporate headquarters knows about it? I know, let’s make an ad campaign out of it. No, fuck fixing the situation, people who order fries definitely want a fucking onion ring in there. Next time I order my Whopper with cheese no pickle, why don’t you put a fucking turnip slice in there, since you know what I want. Whatever happened to having it my way, with NO FUCKING ONION RING.Plus this is setting a bad precedent. For instance.

“Occasionally, you’ll get a child seat that doesn’t play by the rules. A loose cannon. A fucking child seat that accidentally suffocates the life out of your toddler. A Baby-Squisher. But don’t be alarmed. This is a good thing. Though our seats may not Squish Babies every time, if they did, would they really be so special?”

And then to add insult to injury, at the bottom of my fries:

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God damn it.I got so pissed off I had to postpone my frozen sausage pizza hunting trip.

My Trip to Washington

October 17, 2005

Fun times in DC this weekend. I had never been to the Chinatown area before. I thought it was pretty cool. Every business, no matter how unabashedly American (or Mexican) had its name in Chinese characters as well as their usual signage. The only storefront without Chinese characters was Radio Shack, which I found ironic, if you consider the source of 95% of their product lines.

The other thing I love about DC is the license plates, which to my knowledge are the only cranky license plates in the union. Most state license plates have pleasant sayings such as:

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DC however chooses to lament its non-state status:

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So I did a little research, because the situation has deteriorated is a scholarly blog, and I found out that “TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION” was actually only one of many cranky license plates suggested. Here are some of the runners-up:

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Yes, that last plate is right; I am beginning to think that frozen sausage pizza is unavailable throughout the eastern seaboard, and it is getting on my last nerves. And they say we won the cold war.